Living Close to Hoghton Tower

Living close to Hoghton Tower I was baffled to see several police vehicles patrolling all day long on numerous occasions. In my slumber had Hoghton suddenly become a hot spot for the mafia, drug dealers, or liberals?

As a result when the police are not here I’m too scared to venture out in light of this crime wave I’m oblivious to.

On Thursday the police were back in force, in no time I hurriedly dressed and headed off to the local shop as we were running dangerously low on denture tablets and other essentials. Once out a sense of fear gripped me akin to walking through the crime filled streets of New York at night.

Dead ducks head to Hoghton Tower

Even a trailer full of ducks and pheasants shot and killed by the Hoghton Tower shoot was being given a police escort to the Tower; Sir Bernard de Hoghton must have had the same sense of fear as myself but he can afford home deliveries of essentials.

The local shop was full of gossip and hysteria; someone even suggested that the high police presence was to prevent pictures being taken of shot and injured birds. Nonsense I shouted, policing is expensive and Lancashire Constabulary wouldn’t waste thousands of pounds of taxpayers’ money just to prevent the public knowing what is happening at Hoghton Tower.*

As I scurried home another trailer of dead ducks headed to Hoghton Tower with a police escort, I felt reassured that Sir Bernard would not starve in the middle of this frightening but invisible crime wave.

Published in the Chorley Guardian

* Lancashire Constabulary have refused to disclose the cost of policing the Hoghton Tower shoot despite Freedom of Information requests.